Dear American Flag,
Another year has passed, and I have missed your birthday....... again. They say you were 233 years old on June 14th, and I didn't even have the common decency to bake you that red velvet cake I know you love. I am such an ass.
June 14th was a Monday. I woke up that afternoon feeling appreciative of something, but I could not put my finger on what, exactly, I was appreciative of. So, I began the search with my wife who I thanked for her steadfast love and kindness. It didn't feel right. It was definitely not that I appreciated. I thought about calling my parents, then quickly realized that would be an error in judgment. After all, they needed no thanks for all the ass wiping, conflict resolution, parent-teacher conferences, wrecked vehicles, and angst that I put them through, right? Right! I even tried thanking the woman who made my burrito that day for such a delicious treat. But deep down inside, I felt nothing but contempt (she really skimped on my corn salsa). As I was driving home and accepting defeat, I caught a glimpse of a giant red, white, and blue in the air. Something grand stirred in my soul, and I thought with surety, that the flag above was by far the silliest thing I've ever seen. It was twice as long as usual, looked more like a giant airborne hallway rug. What a dumb flag! Ohhh.... indigestion.
And so the day would pass as all the years before it, with me forgetting to celebrate flag day. I know what you're thinking. I am pretty ungrateful. So many sacrifices have been made for me that go unthanked. Just to think where I would be if all those people who couldn't pay the price for college, or, lets be honest, American citizenship, hadn't taken all those bullets overseas, the ones that were aimed at me. If it weren't for the pile of British, Native American, African, Libyan, Mexican, Confederate, Spanish, German, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Vietnamese, Cambodian, Iranian, Guatemalan, Grenadian, Iraqi, Somalian, and Afghanistani flesh at my feet (damn, you're only 233 years old?), well, no way I could stand this high.
I'd be mad about all of the dead you have claimed over, but what Ke$ha did on SNL
( http://www.hulu.com/watch/143257/saturday-night-live-keha-tik-tok ) has made me laugh quite heartily. Now I realize why, exactly, I am so appreciative. You entertain the hell out of me! The most embarrassing and obstinate of humanity wave you about as their security blanket. People actually get passionate about whether it is alright to burn you (it is). Best of all, that one time you and Glenn Beck were caught on tape in the back of that van.... well, you were there. How could I help but laugh at such a sad, sad spectacle.
So thanks for being what you are and all that. I'm sure I'll remember next year. Seems to me some other patriotic holiday is coming soon. Hmm. I'm stumped. The only thing I can come up with is that day of mourning event on July 4th that marks the turning of the tide in the WNA (War of Northern Aggression). Yeah, I'm going to have to think about this one....
P.S. - last weeks blog was the beginning of adding relevant music to my posts, a practice I plan to continue. Hope you're enjoying it.
Quote of the week:
If we were wise, we would learn the elegant simplicity of finding the abundance in violent changes and learn the lessons of grateful adaptation. By naming a volcano a disaster, we rob it of its ability to teach. By seeing those in its reach as victims, we blind ourselves to the grace of evolution which is an inextricable part of humanity’s development. - David Martin, whose awesome blog can be found here: http://www.invertedalchemy.blogspot.com/
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